Tuesday, 27 December 2016

Things I've learnt in 2016


1. I am a fighter. I've had a really shit year, and a great year in one. I met the most amazing man through a really rough time, to the point that I didn't understand why I was alive, or why I wanted to even be myself. I've never been so low, but somehow I met someone who stuck by me through thick and thin, highs and lows. Without him, I'm not so sure that I could fight this life, but I survived alone long enough to meet him. I don't know where my strength has come from, but I've learnt that the only way is up from here.

2. You make your own happiness. When I was severely down and depressed, with nothing to look forward to, I made myself feel even worse. Avoiding friends, losing touch with friends made me feel even more alone and isolated then I already was. Being unhappy in myself, unhappy in my job made me feel so trapped. Getting back in touch with friends, forcing myself to put make up on and leave the house, finding inner strength and pretending to happy enabled me to find happiness. They say that when you're down, you find your true fiends and they helped me to be happy.

3. You have to love yourself, to love someone else. I met someone so special this year and sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am; however, to truly love him I also have to understand that he loves me. Yes, I don't feel worthy but ultimately he does love me and I love him too; but I have to love and care for myself to be happy and healthy enough to keep this relationship together. It's about two people and both of us have to put in the effort, it can't all be one sided. I've learnt to accept my flaws and live with the fact that no one is perfect, he's definitely helped me to see the positives in myself.

4. Friendships don't always last. I finished university in 2015 and thought I had life long friends; in reality I've got one friend from university, two friends from sixth form and no friends from school. My closest friends are from work and even then, my closest friends are not the same as they were a year ago and that's fine, I guess. People change and we develop new friendships or improve on old friendships. My best friend is genuinely the closest I've felt to anyone in a really long time and I love her to pieces but I'll admit I've definitely lost other friends who turned out not to be as great as they seemed.

5. Strength comes from understanding. This is so, so important. I've relied on so many different people this year and that's actually ok. It can be hard to admit that we need support or help but sometimes a second or third opinion can really encourage you to see from a different perspective. This year I've learnt that it's good to listen to other people, that it's ok to rely on another person to be positive. Positivity and strength comes from within, but are definitely influenced by understanding and to gain understanding you have to learn. I found that to learn I needed advice and support, which I got in bundles from two of the most important people in my life. I'm so greateful that I learnt to share my troubles as I truly believe it saved my life.

6. Remind yourself of the good times. I struggle to remain positive a lot of the time. Recently I invested in a photo frame that hangs above my bed in a fitting heart shape. Inside the heart I keep a variety of photos of my boyfriend and family members on days that I've really enjoyed. It keeps me feeling happy when I'm having a bad day or week, as well as looking nice visually. Every time I feel a bit rubbish I try and think about a time I enjoyed to keep myself on a little happy plane as being negative doesn't help me focus.


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